“The most profound relationship we will ever have is the one with ourselves.” - Shirley MacLaine
Relationships are an important factor in our experience of life but many of us struggle to maintain a healthy sense of self within our relationships. When my clients want to work on their relationships they are most often speaking about romantic partnerships; however the basis of all our relationships both personal and professional resides principally in the relationship we have with ourselves.
The degree to which we are able to engage in satisfying, healthy relationships is equal to the degree of self-love that we are able to express. It is impossible to give away what we withhold from ourselves. In over twenty years of work I have found that the most significant factor contributing to addiction is a profound lack of self-love. I'm a firsthand witness to this growing up in a dysfunctional household, rife with depression and abuse.
I am a recovered addict; specifically a food addict. I do not make this statement lightly. My intention is to share some hard won wisdom and offer some practical strategies so that others who are suffering may take hope and might benefit from my experience. I grew up an obese child. I was 200 pounds by the age of ten; everything hurt, I couldn’t breathe well, clothing was a nightmare and my peers were beyond cruel. By the age of twelve I’d heard “if you’re obese as a child you’re going to be an obese adult” so many times it seemed like an institutional mantra.
Today I’m happy to report that I reached my goal weight 25 years ago. I’ve maintained a healthy weight through the ups & downs of life and I haven’t suffered bouts of binge eating in 30 years. I enjoy my food. I don’t adhere to a super strict diet or live off of prepackaged pseudo-food. I even eat chocolate on occasion because, you know chocolate.
I often hear my clients who are dealing with all types of issues say “I want to feel empowered”. They come to me because something isn’t working in their life and they really, really want to overcome the compulsive behaviors of addiction. Here’s the thing about empowerment; in order to be empowered we have to take ownership of the condition of our life… which means quitting the blame game forever.
Empowerment means taking personal responsibility for one’s life; understanding that whatever mitigating circumstances which may have led us toward addiction we are the one who walked down the garden path. This may seem like a bitter pill to swallow at first but I promise you it’s the key to freedom. If someone else; anyone else, is responsible for our condition or the condition of our life, then we are powerless to alter the situation. If on the other hand I am responsible for my condition then I have all the power and therefor the means to change whatever isn’t working.
For those of us raised in dysfunctional abusive environments it may seem hard to realize that the key to self-empowerment resides within you. I invite you to take a short journey of self-discovery; consider for a few moments all of the things you do every day, all of the mundane tasks that get accomplished simply by you showing up to do them; perhaps you are the one who makes the coffee, unlocks the store front or answers the phones. What would happen if you suddenly weren’t there to perform these tasks? By not taking ownership of our personal power we become accustomed to anonymously serving others, remaining unaware of our contribution to those around us.
Someone once said that half the battle is won simply by showing up. How are you showing up in life? Do you show up for yourself; ever? What would your life look like if you did? I invite you to consider these questions over the next few days; you may be surprised at what shows up.
*This blog post was first published by Awareness Magazine May/June 2015 issue. http://www.awarenessmag.com/library.html
Bio: Jennifer Powdermaker is the founder and CEO of Indigo Vision Coaching ™; she is a professional speaker, coach, writer, Angel Channel and intuitive healer. Over the past 20 years of her career Jennifer has coached and spoken before thousands of people in the U.S., Canada and Europe. She overcame her family inheritance of addiction, beginning her healing journey at the age of 15 by healing her own childhood obesity; going from 200 pounds at 10 years old to a life of health and vitality at her goal weight of 118 pounds and maintaining the change for over two decades. Jenn channeled healing(s) to walk again after a car accident left her severely disabled in 2010 and has helped many others; clients & friends, on the path of recovery. She utilizes the integrative healing modality, providing the personalized support each client needs to experience real changes and real results. Jennifer is available for individual & group coaching sessions, public speaking and industry events as her schedule permits.
Contact: indigovision@yahoo.com