“In order to achieve anything, you must first expect it of yourself.”
–Wayne Dyer; The Wisdom of the Tao
Nature is the ultimate conservationist; in every way nature seeks to conserve energy and maximize the use of every calorie, metabolically and systematically, this is why zero-sum competition is unsustainable.
The model is harmonics not dissonance, cooperation not competition.
All the ills that afflict mankind are caused by the disharmony of zero-sum competition; from wars to so-called environmental collapse, all can be better understood in terms of harmony Vs disharmony and once something is understood it can be better remedied.
Zero-sum competition leads to disastrous conclusions like the foreign policy decision to engage in “mutually assured destruction”; the arms race and then what? We all die entrenched in these positions…? Unlikely.
Imagine for a moment that at some point in the coked out 80’s someone had sobered up enough to come up with the idea of mutually assured survival instead of the cold war... imagine what the world might look like with forty years of unfettered spending of GDP on growth sectors, building alliances, supporting representative governance across the globe and insisting on it from our trading partners, making human rights and sustainability the center post of all foreign policy decisions, that world looks a lot better than the one unfettered greed, paranoia and murderous competition has crafted.
In relationships zero-sum thinking is a the heart of all issues; the first mistake a lot of people make is thinking that there’s something “missing” from themselves and they need a partner to provide “it” –whatever it is. The desire to be in partnership is not an indication of something missing in the individual; it is the natural harmonic our system seeks to resonate in.
Instead of thinking of that blasted half-empty / half-full glass –finish your drink already, the busboys are ready to go home!
Think of musical notes on a scale; I make my full throated note, which is complete in itself but in isolation is not a song, my note comes together to resonate with other notes to be in the song together, all the constituent parts are needed to make the melody.
What would your relationships look like if you viewed them in terms of harmonies and dissonance, rhythms and counterpoints instead of who’s filling up who with what –OK, that went to a different place but this equally applies to activities in the bedroom as well.
So, if harmony is the way our systems are inclined, why are we living in a world built on competition and isolation? The short answer is habit; we’re trained from early childhood to compete and view others as a threat.
Habits are hard to break but lucky for us they’re easy to adjust and replace.
Remember; nature insists on conserving energy, mostly so it can keep you alive through a harsh winter or when that sabretooth tiger jumps out of the underbrush --our metabolism is set up to survive a much more primal environment than the world we live in today and Nature isn’t quite convinced we don’t still need this model cause it’s been working for a few billion years and cars were invented in 1909, so She ain’t changing the game just yet which means our habits are always going to fall on the side of expending the least possible energy for the maximum gain.
It take less energy to think an old practiced thought than it does to consider new ideas; habit.
It takes less energy to take a nap after lunch than to go for a walk; habit.
It takes less energy to watch TV and ’zone out’ than it does to write that novel you’ve been meaning to some day; habit.
It takes less energy to complain about this-and-that then it does to come up with creative solutions to my problems; habit.
It takes less energy to gripe at my partner about their socks on the floor than to honestly address where I am in the relationship; habit.
Habit is the death of spontaneity and romance; it’s the bane of progress and the doom of the mediocre mind.
But habit is also a powerful ally when harnessed properly.
Neurons that fire together, wire together, like laying down high speed fiber optic cable to carry your internet signal --the more practiced the habit the more automatic the behavior; whether those behaviors help you live the life you want or keep you stuck repeating the same old patterns, that part is completely up to you!
Pay attention to this part; you get to choose the habits that run your life!
--P.S. there’s no such thing as not making a choice; “not making a choice” is just letting whatever habits you inherited from your caretakers from age 0-14, to run your life.
So if you’re the one-in-a-bazillion person raised by perfect parents, in a perfectly loving and supportive environment with no trace of dysfunction, addiction or betrayal… then what the heck are you doing reading this?!? Go be president or something cause OMG! – but that’s a blog for another day…
For the rest of us raised by flawed humans; doing the best they could with the information they had at the time, we need some practices to reach our best potential, by harnessing the power of our daily habits we can, day by day, get there.
I speak from experience; I weighed 200 pounds at the age of 10, living in a house of compulsive overeaters, alcoholics and co-dependents, there wasn’t a healthy relationship within five generations in my family but I got a wake-up call as I watched that scale go up and up each time, as I was shamed by a society that said a child was responsible for the conditions of the abuse she was clearly suffering – it takes less energy as a society to blame the victim than to reign in the perpetrators; habit. #timesup
I knew help wasn’t coming from ‘out there’, I knew I had to adjust something in myself if I was going to survive my childhood and speaking from the other side of that addiction, now having reached and maintained my goal weight for more than 18 years, I couldn’t have done it by the rules of competition.
I could only achieve mastery over the addiction by changing the relationship I had with myself, by creating a habitual love of self, investing my time in self-care that also avoided the commercialized pitfalls of the ‘weight-loss industry’ and holding my internal standard to building small daily habits that over time has led to a lifetime of health and vitality and enjoyment that I was assured was already beyond my capacity by the age of 10 years old.
By working in harmony with my natural system I achieved what I was told over and over was medically impossible. And if you want to talk about winning, I am that skinny bitch eating chocolate cake in the window of the coffee shop with no fear that it will ‘ruin’ my physique. I’m in harmony with my natural tastes and the pleasure of indulging in what I find delicious. –In my world chocolate is the rule and while there have been days without it, there really haven’t been that many…. Certainly not as many as ‘they’ will tell you are necessary to lose 89 pounds and keep it off for over 18 years!
You don’t have to punish yourself; no matter what the habit you’re trying to change, all you have to do is start small and give yourself gentle daily reminders of where you want to go, taking small steps consistently over time gets you farther than you could imagine.
Begin by taking one day and noticing how you are (or aren’t) in harmony; with yourself, in your relationships, in your work, your leisure, your habits –which habits and daily conversations lift you up, which ones harmonize with your goals and dreams? Those are the ones to pay more attention to and let go of some of the ones that are disharmonious with your energy and see how far you go!
I can’t wait to hear all about it. Journey on soul traveler.
Get in touch at: indigovision@yahoo.com